off to africa

tomorrow i'll leave for 10 days to go to south africa.

i'll be participating in a kind-of theologue with some african pastors and len sweet, traveling to an orphanage in durban, and visiting some denom. pastors in cape town.

it's a spectacular opportunity, but i'm feeling truly nervous about being so far away from my kids and my wife [especially right before her birthday, especially right before christmas].

i can't remember ever having so many jitters about a trip before. i've long prayed for this sense of nervous anxiety, so that my natural strengths are stripped back a bit and i'm forced to rely on god for safety, focus, and peace of mind. yet, now that i feel like i'm ill-equipped for this sort of thing [and, concordantly, that he will have to support me in this adventure] i'm no longer enamoured with wanting to feel that way.

oh well...i'm just rambling here.

i just wanted to take a minute and get some thoughts out before i go.

so, in summary.....

1. i'm nervous, excited, anxious, and enthused.

2. i love my children very, very much and could not possibly regret going more except for my conviction that these experiences will alter me in such a way as to directly benefit them and make their world [and their understanding of it] more comprehensive, more spiritual, and more pleasing to god.

3. i love my wife more than i have words to articulate. in marriage, you often feel compelled to demonstrate and articulate grand guestures of affection and undying love. all of these are insufficient to truly capture what it's like to share the hidden parts of yourself with someone you trust. there are no words for long-lasting love that sound true...they all ring hollow because our understanding of love is diminished by its brevity in our modern world. but i love carmel and will forever in ways that no other person could understand.

4. if it sounds like i'm writing an obituary, then i'll stop now - with the exception of thanking my few wonderful friends and close family for their support in my adventures.

...and for thanking mark luhmann who's paid for me to go :)