the battle at al hillel (part 1)

603 B.C.E. :: Babylon, Al Hillel :: It is noon, a Friday

I am tired of soldiering. I have walked too many times into the blood and muck and watched my fellows fall.

There is some exhilaration in battle, but it is just work – like bone setting or metal working. A job done well feels good.

But I have done too many jobs, and the goodness dims.

Across the field, in a valley, are some thousands…maybe more. They gleam, but quiver also. Fine armor over pretty arms. I think we’ll be done early.

We come at them, bulls shouldering metal bulrushes, and they fall. They are not soldiers. Not really. They are fine-looking statues. No. They are sticks. Toys. We should have sent our daughters to fight.

Our lines relax and the men begin to look for trophies to claim. I see nothing I like, but take fistfuls anyway to sell. As I reach, I see movement from the left, and twist to avoid a spear.

One survives.

He is wild-eyed. I note his wounds – many, but mild – he must have been caught under a horse or pile. He foams. That’s never good. His spear is quick, and I am a victim of age and tenure, so he sticks me in the gut. It is shallow, but deep enough to stoke my passions. He ends badly.

My father was a bull, a lion, a griffon, an angel. He brought death to dozens each day, and laughed after. In this moment, I was the angel, and I carved this thing in front of me like a sacrifice. He came apart, properly prepared, and I gave Baal his heart.

Still empassioned, I walked the valley and jabbed at the slain. None made a noise. Everyone died, and I was my father – the bull.

The valley was a meat shop now that the battle was over, a butcher’s board open for business.

I’m not sure why we came, I’m not even sure it matters. But we came. We fought. And we won. I killed a hundred men. Almost.

People think that a battlefield must sound like a forge, with clanging and shouting, but it’s different. It’s like a run through the mud. There’s a lot of panting and everything sounds wetter than you’d think.

Wet clothes.

Wet sod.

Wet meat.

The priest told us we came to fight because these men had defiled the temple walls and were the enemies of our gods. The eunuch told us we came to fight because these men were slaves who had stirred the queen’s passions with their youth. The king told us we fought because no Jew should worship Nebuchadnezzar – not after those three escaped the fire – but these did.

But who cares why? I’m a soldier. I fight. I see their carcasses as food for the birds of the air, and the beasts of the earth. I watch to endure no one frightens the beasts away.

This valley is full of dead men – soon it will be only their bones. Then only their dust, which will be the dry dirt of the valley floor.

preview of artwork for bleached ( our series on ezekiel and the valley of dry bones)

the last few books i read...

the collected tales of solomon kane, by robert e. howard - kane is a demon-hunting puritan...pure awesomeness

an altar in the world, by barbara brown taylor - folk spirituality and wisdom from a phyllis-tickle-like sage...this was a great read

the charismatic theology of st. luke, by roger stronstad - i've been meaning to read this "classic" for a while, as a means of re-connecting with my charismatic upbringing. honestly, there is SO MUCH support in scripture for the spooky stuff i am baffled as to how some people dismiss it...on the other hand, the contemporary variety of spookiness is often far-removed from the biblical model, so i do understand those who are leery of such things

alive for the first time, by david c. needham - Jvo recommended this to me as a primer for christian spirituality...it's not bad, but i'm still unsure as to whether i'll be passing it along to anyone else

blood rites, by jim butcher - this was my final guilty pleasure, the dresden files book #6...it's about a wizard in chicago who helps a vampire...what could be a better reprieve from theology than pulp sci-fi?

for the winds...

of course, i've had plenty of time to think about the winds while i've been away and i've got lots cookin...

two things are worth mentioning here, as a tiny priming of the pumps

#1 i'm jonesing to try some new stuff with the teaching, but i'll need help. i want the teaching to be as interactive as possible - catering to those of all learning styles and intelligences - so i'm looking for techno-geeks and some artsy-fartsy types to help me pimp stuff out on the weekends

#2 because the winds has always been a *boutique and not a *big box kind of church, we've always known that our future successes are more likely to come in the shape of multiple locations (of boutique churches) rather than transitioning our church into a kind of holy walmart. we've failed twice at this: once we pulled the plug in ann arbor (because our friend randy got sick and creating new churches was WAY less of a priority), and once we aborted a merger with another church. somehow, someway, we've got to get back on the multi-site horse and make a ride for the sunrise.

these trips are tricky...

something about doing "pastor" things with other pastors always weirds me out...to satisfy my own emo itch, i'll confess why:



* i don't fit the mold, and i'm increasingly surprised by HOW MUCH i don't fit the mold...i think either everyone else is getting moldier or i need to audition for a role in the breakfast club made-for-tv-remake



* i don't like measuring what everyone else likes to measure...and i want to be clear that their measurements aren't bad, just that i feel strange and ugly when i adopt their "wins and successes" and the standard...i won't elaborate, because i don't want to throw anyone under the bus, but i proritize friendship, transformation, and imagination way over and above the more common stuff



* that said, it really is hard not to get into a pissing contest and if/when that occurs i feel more like the urinal than the runner-up



* getting around other pastors always reminds me of how badly i want church to be different, and how badly i want churches to be effective in making disciples and healing the world...but by and large, the big We sucks in both categories and i am deeply bothered and frustrated and angered by the suck and want so much for things to be different



* getting around other pastors also reminds me of how different i want things to be at the winds...let me be clear: i love westwinds, but our efforts to push ourselves and our people into something truer and more beautiful are often frustrated by time constraints and a lack of sustainable leadership. it's the greatest church in the world, but my hunger for us to be increasingly shaped into something better is not easily sated

* finally, these trips are tough because i'm reminded of how lonely ministry really is...i don't miss being part of a denomination - too many rules, too few relationships - but i sure miss that feeling of not being in this thing alone...i miss knowing for certain that if i threw in the towel someone outside of my church and my family would care. fortunately for me this collection of guys at leadership network were super-cool and i think we'll make some lasting chums.

D

books i've read so far (just in case you're a dork and were wondering)

influencer: the power to change anything, by kerry paterson - this book was a gift from the folks at leadership network...and i mean "gift" in every sense of the word. paterson does a great job of breaking down influence into identifying vital behaviors (that need to change in order for larger, more holistic changes to "stick") and then gives a great rubric for how to effect and evaluate change and how change-ready we are. i think this book is the next "good to great."

the way of jesus, by jonathan and jennifer campbell - this book was okay, but not at all timely. leaving aside some of the uber-left-wing theological abstractions, most of this book was about the shift into the postmodern world...something that 'everyone' was writing about 15 years ago. honestly, the book was well written so if you've never been exposed to this topic it's not a bad read...but i have some theological and philosophical criticisms that make me think you'd be better off reading "soul tsunami"

a new kind of christianity, by brian mclaren - mclaren is a great writer and has written this book well...but it's not a great book and i would never recommend it. increasingly, brian mclaren finds more of his theological support from culture and less from scripture. i don't feel like critiquing all that here - i still love his book "a generous orthodoxy" and wish everyone would read it - but i do feel like he's gone too far off base on too many little things for me to be a supporter anymore. that said, my absolute favorite part of any book i've read in the last 12 months was when mclaren tackles mark driscoll's take on the second coming of jesus. driscoll is found of embellishing biblical perspectives of jesus to make christ look much more mma-ready...and mclaren takes 2 pages to dismantle mark's comical and playful (and yet horribly telling) image of a conquering christ with about 60 scriptures that contradict mark and re-ground christ in the bible.

between heaven and earth: divine presence & absence in ezekiel, by john kutsko - this is an academic book that i thoroughly enjoyed outlining God's *departure from israel during exile because of their idolatry...and yet maintains that god is still present with them even while they keenly feel his absence (he's just *there in a new way). good thoughts on idols, imago dei, and son of man stuff if you're interested

the sabbath, by abraham heschel - tons of wisdom in this little text...not sure i was keen to learn more about the sabbath per se, but heschel has so many good things to say i'll read anything of his just because it's another chance to hear him

missional renaissance, by reggie mcneal - this book was FANTASTIC. i'm going to buy it for our staff. if you have no idea what it means to be "missional" buy this book.

semiotics: the basics, by daniel chandler - this is a boring book about a potentially cool subject that might make you sound like len sweet if you mastered it. if you're interested in the notion of interpreting signs & symbols in culture, i'd get anything by george lakoff (on metaphors) instead.

multi-site churrch road trip, by warren bird et al. - great book...bought copies for staff and elders so we can prepare to take another crack at launching additional campuses of the winds

and their memory was a bitter tree, by robert e. howard - this is my guilty pleasure...an anthology of conan stories by their original creator :)

How Facebook Killed the Church

(found this great article at experimental theology [click on post-title to link])



There has been a great deal of hand wringing in the Christian community about the onset of Web 2.0 relationality (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, blogs, MMOGs). The concern you often hear is that "virtual" relationships are no replacement for "authentic" relationships.

No doubt this is true. But I've done some research in this area and here's my general conclusion: Facebook friends tend to be our actual friends.

No doubt, the vast majority of the people in a friend list on Facebook are strangers, acquaintances, or old school friends you haven't seen in years. But no user of Facebook is confused enough to think that she is "in relationship" with any of these people. These are just the penumbra around the core of our Facebook interactions, connecting with people we actually know and are friends with.

In short, Facebook isn't replacing real world relationality. Rather, Facebook tends to reflect our social world. For example, in a soon to be published study some ACU colleagues and I used Facebook to predict student retention at our school (i.e., which freshmen return for their sophomore year). We found that on-campus Facebook activity was significantly correlated with measures of "real world" relationality. Further, on-campus Facebook activity also predicted who would come back for their sophomore year. For example, if you had a lot of Facebook Wall Posts you felt more socially connected and were more likely to come back to ACU for a second year. Which makes sense. Who would be posting on your Wall day to day? Sure, old friends might give you a shout out from time to time on your Wall. But for the most part Wall posts come from people who you'll actually see today. Or at least this week, month or year. The point is, you know these people. Talking with them via Facebook is authentic relationality. It's staying in touch, coordinating plans, offering up encouragement, saying a prayer, working out misunderstandings, and sharing a moment.

Over at my friend Mike's blog there was a recent discussion about why Millennials (also known as Generation Y) are leaving the church. His question was, why are they leaving? Most of the answers took aim at the church. Churches are too shallow, hypocritical, judgmental, or political. Many surveys have shown these attitudes to be widespread among Millennials. Consider the Barna research summarized in the book unChristian. Young Christians and non-Christians tend to feel that the church is "unChristian." Too antihomosexual. Too hypocritical. Too political. Too judgmental. That's how young people see "the church." And it's hard to blame them.

But my argument at Mike's blog was that the church has always been this way. Is the church of 2010 much different from the church of the '50s, '60s, '70s, '80s, or '90s? I don't think so. So, yes, the church is screwed up. Always has been. The church has been a depressing constant over the generations. So the change isn't with the church. The change is with the Millennials. If so, in what way and how has this change related to the church?

The most obvious change is in mobile and Web 2.0 connectivity. Generation X didn't have cell phones. Nor did they have Facebook or text messaging. And you can't tell me that Millennials see the church any differently than Generation X saw it. Look to the right at cell phone subscriptions plotted by decade. Most have Generation X as birth dates between 1961 to 1981. Which has Gen X as college students in the years 1979 to 1999. As you can see, most Gen X'ers didn't have cellphones. And based on the sociological evidence Gen X was much more cynical and anti-establishment when compared to the Millennials. So you can't tell me Gen X'ers didn't see the church as judgmental, hypocritical, or sold-out. They did.

So what happened? Why didn't Gen X leave the church while the Millennials are leaving in droves?

The difference between Generations X and Y isn't in their views of the church. It's about those cellphones. It's about relationships and connectivity. Most Gen X'ers didn't have cell phones, text messaging or Facebook. These things were creeping in during their college years but the explosive onset of mobile devices and social computing had yet to truly take off.

So why has mobile social computing affected church attendance? Well, if church has always been kind of lame and irritating why did people go in the first place? Easy, social relationships. Church has always been about social affiliation. You met your friends, discussed your week, talked football, shared information about good schools, talked local politics, got the scoop, and made social plans ("Let's get together for dinner this week!"). Even if you hated church you could feel lonely without it. Particularly with the loss of "third places" in America.

But Millennials are in a different social situation. They don't need physical locations for social affiliation. They can make dinner plans via text, cell phone call or Facebook. In short, the thing that kept young people going to church, despite their irritations, has been effectively replaced. You don't need to go to church to stay connected or in touch. You have an iPhone.

Sure, Millennials will report that the "reason" they are leaving the church is due to its perceived hypocrisy or shallowness. My argument is that while this might be the proximate cause the more distal cause is social computing. Already connected Millennials have the luxury to kick the church to the curb. This is the position of strength that other generations did not have. We fussed about the church but, at the end of the day, you went to stay connected. For us, church was Facebook!

The pushback here will be that all this Millennial social computing, all this Facebooking, isn't real, authentic relationship. I'd disagree with that assessment. It goes to the point I made earlier: Most of our Facebook interactions are with people we know, love, and are in daily contact with. Facebook isn't replacing "real" relationships with "virtual" relationships. It's simply connecting us to our real friends. And if you can do this without getting up early on Sunday morning why go to church? Particularly if the church is hypocritical and shallow? Why mess with it?

Why are Millennials leaving the church? It's simple. Mobile social computing has replaced the main draw of the traditional church: Social connection and affiliation.

Basically, Facebook killed the church. May it Rest in Peace.

women in leadership (there's LOTS more coming...)

ACKNOWLEDGING MY BIAS

I grew up in Vancouver BC,

a cosmopolitan, metropolitan city of more than a million people comprising a diverse range of ethnic groups, cultural enclaves, and world commerce.

The issue of equality in all matters between men and women was settled in Vancouver a long time ago.

I grew up in a Pentecostal church,

based in the Wesleyan holiness tradition that recognized women as full partners fully capable of holding every ecclesial position.

The issue of equality in all matters between men and women was settled in the Pentecostal/Wesleyan tradition a long time ago.

When I moved to Jackson, Michigan I was surprised to find out that there were some who felt strongly about limiting the role of women inside the church. I was doubly-surprised to find out that the church position I had just accepted was among those. To be honest, I had always thought that those who limited a women’s leadership capacity within the church were an anachronism. I imagined that those few who felt like women shouldn’t (or couldn’t) faithfully fulfill each position in the church were the equivalent of ecclesial red-necks. I also imagined that they had all but died out of the world.

I was wrong on both counts.

First, I was wrong because there are many good and godly people who love Jesus and hold faithfully to the Scriptures who believe women should be limited in their ministry. Based on their interpretation of the Bible, they feel like God has ordained that women always be in a subordinate position to men – both in the home, and in the church.

I could not disagree more (as will become plain). Furthermore, I strongly contend that this women-limiting position is not just a theological one but also one that concerns basic human rights and dignity. I think it’s unjust that we limit their roles.

I digress. The point, however, that I want to make clear is simply that those who limit the role of women are not “red-necks” or “idiots” or “misogynists” or “woman-haters” or whatever else. All of the people I have personally known who limit a woman’s role in the church do so because they believe that’s what the Bible teaches.

Of course, I’m convinced that is NOT what the Bible teaches, but the fact that their beliefs are based on their interpretation of Scripture deserves credit, respect, and some measure of thanksgiving. I wish all church conflicts arose from differing opinions on Scripture, rather than differing opinions on style, form, structure or whatever else. At least when we disagree on an interpretation of the Bible we’re all united in saying: what the Bible teaches matters most.

The other way in which I was wrong about those who limit-women is that I thought they’d all died out. I thought they were a small branch group of uneducated folk who just dwindled away like folklore. Again, I was surprised to learn that – in the United States, at least – this group is very much active and at work to convince others that (while women may be able to enjoy God’s pleasure and fulfill His purpose and destiny in their high and holy calling as mothers and wives) women simply cannot lead either churches or men.

There are two Scriptures that seem to limit the role of women within the church: 1 Corinthians 14.33-35 and 1 Timothy 2.11-15. I will deal with those passages in a later post...for now I just wanted everyone to know where I'm coming from (and that I'm aware of the inherent biases).

pax.

shane claiborne gets called down by angry protestors

i found this via the sojourner website, and could not believe what i was reading...

Beauty and Ugliness in a Shooting’s Aftermath

by Shane Claiborne 02-26-2010

Something sort of mystical and magical happened after a 19-year-old kid named Papito was killed on our block a few weeks ago. As our neighborhood ached and grieved and cried with his family, we began to create a memorial for Papito where he died – a familiar ritual in the inner city. Those who knew and loved him brought photos and flowers. Kids on our block brought stuffed animals or whatever they had and laid them on the sidewalk memorial. And everyone brought candles. But here’s where the magic happened. It was the next day that the east coast was to be hammered with one of the worst snowstorms since we’ve kept records. As the snow showered down, I thought the little candles, sheltered only beneath a little shanty of soggy cardboard, would not stand a chance in the blizzard. But on they burned. Hour after hour, even through the night they burned. And the warmth of the fire melted down the snow as it fell. Flake by flake melted from the warmth of the fire. The next morning I went out to find the candles still burning, on a little patch of wet sidewalk like an oasis of warmth glowing in the middle of 2 feet of snow encroaching on all sides.

The next week we held a prayer vigil at the local gun shop, praying for an end to violence … and specifically asking and praying that the owner of “The Shooter Shop” would agree to a voluntary “Code of Conduct” drafted by Mayors from all over the country who agree that these ten simple steps would prevent deaths like Papito’s. So on February 13, we walked in silence with friends and neighbors from the candle memorial where Papito died three blocks to The Shooter Shop down the street. And we carried candles. It was there that I remembered the candles gentle warmth as it faced the coldness of a winter storm.

As we gathered with dozens of other Christians from around Philadelphia to pray for peace, we were met by a counter-demonstration that had been organized by gun-rights groups. They shouted some of the meanest things I have ever heard. I didn’t mind them calling me a “scumbag”, and I even concede on the “you need a shower” comment … but then the insults shot like bullets – racial, economic, angry insults … some of them to kids from our block, some of them whispered just loud enough to hear, such as, “stupid immigrant.” As we started a sacred moment of silence to remember Papito and the other kids killed with illegal guns … the silence was pierced with insults and meanness. As we prayed the Lord’s Prayer it was interrupted with the singing of “God Bless America.” A deep theological cage match was happening in the heavens, it seems:

While I do not believe the folks we met reflect the character or views of most gun owners or even NRA members (heck, I’ve shot some squirrels for dinner back in Tennessee) … the ugly counter-protest was organized by folks who started off by saying things like this:

Be advised that Shooter’s Shop is located in a dicey neighborhood. You should have no problem in daylight, and I doubt the local neighborhood folks are going to mess with a bunch of NRA members, but carry your gun with you. Do not leave it unattended in a vehicle if you go where someone could break into your car and steal it!

–from the Web site, “Snowflakes in Hell” (which, incidentally, may flaw with my candle metaphor!)

So the fact that they are not from the neighborhood may explain some of the behavior we saw and their inability to lament the bloodshed we see on these streets from guns sold to straw buyers at gun shops like the Shooter Shop (not many folks are buying hunting rifles from a gun shop in Kensington … we don’t have many deer here).

There is no doubt that my grandmother was right when she used to say, “God doesn’t like ugly.” And the Scriptures speak clearly: We are not fighting against people but against principalities and powers – ugly, filthy, sick principalities and powers. When we look at Jesus’ cross we see what love looks like when it stares evil in the face. It is non-violent, it is forgiving, it is steady and courageous. It is this courageous love that exposes evil by making it so uncomfortable that it has to be dealt with. Colossians is correct when it says that as Jesus rose from the dead he made a spectacle of the cross. As he listened to insults, had people spit in his face, curse him, and kill him he knew full well that he was exposing the ugliness … and in the end, love wins over hatred.

When we came back to the house we got a chance to unpack things with some of the teenagers from the block who were at the vigil. They shared about how powerful it was to see us return meanness with kindness. We remembered how Martin Luther King said to those who were so mean to him: “To our most bitter opponents we say: ‘Throw us in jail and we will still love you. Bomb our houses and we will still love you. Beat us and leave us half dead, and we will still love you … but be ye assured that we will wear you down with our love.” As the early Christian martyrs said: “Grace dulls even the sharpest sword.”

We will continue to hold vigil and to pray for a conversion of heart from the gun shop owner. In fact, the steady witness is growing … more than 100 pastors and church leaders have drafted letters (like this one) to the gun shop owner urging him to seize this opportunity to lead with integrity and show irresponsible gun shop owners a better way. Please light your candle and send your letter to Mr. Haney. When he signs the Code of Conduct we will alert the press and have a huge celebration outside The Shooter Shop (I might even buy a new bb-gun from him).

This morning I woke up and saw the snow falling again, and the candles still burning (they’ve been burning for almost three weeks now) … they are still melting the snow. As I thought about the vigil last week, I had once thought we were sheep among wolves … but now I’m thinking we were just candles in the middle of a blizzard. And snow melts, but the light keeps glowing. We are to be the light, to be the salt … both of which can melt the toughest ice or the coldest heart.

Shane Claiborne is a founding partner of The Simple Way community, a radical faith community that lives among and serves the homeless in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia. He is the co-author, with Chris Haw, of Jesus for President.

why go to church

there are many reasons - biblical, social, familial, etc - but the one i find most compelling is that church is a place where we surrender control.

at church, as part of a community of believers, we trust that the holy spirit speaks to us through:

music we might not like
a sermon we did not choose
people we might not know
a time and place that is beyond our control
an experience we would never have designed
strangers we would never have met and would never have been forced to confront
christian men and women who can be prompted by the spirit to speak things into our life that
we might never choose to hear
scriptures and songs themed towards issues we may never have otherwise considered
the needs of others about which we would have remained ignorant

in short - church is a place where a million things happen...sometimes randomly, sometimes chaordically, sometimes intentionally...and the spirit works through all of those to penetrate our lethargy, our apathy, and our indifference.

when we come to church with an open and receptive heart, we are changed every time.

that's why we should go to church.

the latest in a long line of rocks and stones calling out?

Robbie Williams - Bodies Lyrics

God gave me the sunshine,
Then showed me my lifeline
I was told it was all mine,
Then I got laid on a ley line
What a day, what a day,
And your Jesus really died for me
Then Jesus really tried for me

UK and entropy,
I feel like its ****in’ (beeped out) me
Wanna feed off the energy,
Love living like a deity
What a day, one day,
And your Jesus really died for me
I guess Jesus really tried for me

Bodies in the Bodhi tree,
Bodies making chemistry
Bodies on my family,
Bodies in the way of me
Bodies in the cemetery,
And that’s the way it’s gonna be

All we’ve ever wanted
Is to look good naked
Hope that someone can take it
God save me rejection
From my reflection,
I want perfection

Praying for the rapture,
‘Cause it’s stranger getting stranger
And everything’s contagious
It’s the modern middle ages
All day every day
And if Jesus really died for me
Then Jesus really tried for me

Bodies in the Bodhi tree,
Bodies making chemistry
Bodies on my family,
Bodies in the way of me
Bodies in the cemetery,
And that’s the way it’s gonna be

All we’ve ever wanted
Is to look good naked
Hope that someone can take it
God save me rejection
From my reflection,
I want perfection

Bodies in the Bodhi tree,
Bodies making chemistry
Bodies on my family,
Bodies in the way of me
Bodies in the cemetery,
Bodies in the bodhi tree,
Bodies making chemistry
Bodies on my family,
Bodies in the way of me
Bodies in the cemetery,
And that’s the way it’s gonna be

All we’ve ever wanted
Is to look good naked
Hope that someone can take it
So God save me rejection
From my reflection,
I want perfection

Jesus didn’t die for you, what do you want?
(I want perfection)
Jesus didn’t die for you, what are you on?
Oh Lord
(Jesus really died for you) Ohh
(Jesus really died for you)
(Jesus really died for you) Ohh

bud osborn (beat poet) re-tells the gospel

street sermon

AFTER HEARING ONE TOO MANY PREACHERS HARANGUING ABOUT HELLFIRE ON GRANVILLE STREET

brothers and sisters fellow low-life listen we are in luck one guy at least came just for us a tremendous low-life jesus he didn’t come down here to this blood-stew for no limousine riders no bible thumpers no hotshot angle-shooters no came down here I believe it’s the truth for me and you I mean junkies winos hookers cripples crazies thieves welfare bums and homeless freaks lowest of the low least of all

do your parents hate you? your teachers hate you? po-lice hate you? your friends hate you? you hate you? you’re really in luck everybody hated jesus too you got nowhere to live? nowhere to go? nowhere to hang your hat? Jesus said to a cat ‘even the foxes of the field and the birds of the air got somewhere to lay their weary ass down but not me oh no’

do people scorn you? put you down? tell stories a bout what a problem you are? a judge told me I was of no use to society the present of a university told me I was trash and obscene my own mother god bless her told me I was the world’s biggest asshole but all that just makes me eligible to hook up with jesus who got nailed up bleeding sweating balls-naked to a wooden cross to take all that bad bullshit off my back

jesus tells you not to hate your own self which is easy to do out here running around like a fool but just ask jesus he’ll help you with that ‘love yourself’ he says ‘so you can love somebody as unloved and unlovable as you been’

I mean jesus didn’t come all this way go through all that trouble to send you and me to hell no maybe these other soft successful types I don’t know but not you and me bona fide losers you and I know this world is all the hell we’re going to see jesus came to cool us out from this hell right here right now for real with love not handcuffs editorials or plastic gloves

do you slash up? overdose? drink lysol? stick rigs in your arms? or pull a knife on somebody else? well jesus is just for you he was the world’s all-time biggest loser the straight people the priests and judges hated him because he said low-life scum would get to heaven before they did

and at the end when jesus needed his friends they all took off on him except for a hooker named magdalene but all his close friends split said ‘no way I don’t know him’ except for his friend judas who turned jesus in to crimestoppers his friends made him take the rap all alone you know how that feels and jesus kept his mouth shut when pontius pilate the chief of police wanted jesus to cop-out with a plea

so if you feel misunderstood nobody know how you feel or what you talking about that’s jesus too he know about you he been through it and don’t you allow these puffed-up self-righteous chumps sell you no goody-goody jesus hell no jesus got pissed-off plenty times

and when jesus was wandering around no bus fare all his buddies kept saying ‘what should we do? what should we do? we’re scared’ jesus told them ‘lay down your life for your friends and if your enemy rip off your coat give him your shoes too give up this money-grubbing power-tripping fantasy-acting ego bullshit give it up and you won’t be scared no more’

jesus didn’t tell a stockbroker didn’t tell a rock promoter he told the brokers and promoters ‘you can’t get to paradise the way you going’ a young banker came up to jesus said ‘I dig your rap what I gotta do?’ and jesus told him ‘give it up brother’ said ‘give all your money to the poor the punks the drunks the bums give it up’ and that banker did to jesus what most people do to you when you got your hand out he just walked away ‘anything but my sports car’

even in his own hometown they called jesus a crazy bugger I been called crazy lots of times in my hometown locked up in the nuthouse to prove it and jesus his neighbours told him ‘we know you boy don’t go pullin none of them miracles around here’ and tried to grab him but he ran fast damn but you know what that’s like

and if you think you got trouble just keeping your name straight jesus confused many fools with that ‘are you god or what?’ they were always asking him he said ‘who do you say that I am?’ a smart-ass jesus was always being told ‘you can’t do that it’s against the rules it’s against the law’ but jesus talking about the spirit body and soul the whole deal real real life not just bingo lotteries and videos

and jesus believed in having a good time told those tight-ass bastards his kingdom was like a wedding reception and first thing jesus did was turn water into wine so they wouldn’t run out and the authorities called him a drunkard but jesus kept saying ‘help each other love each other no matter what it’s the only thing you can count on’

so fellow low-life just know jesus loves you if nobody else does I know he loves me especially when I don’t love myself or anybody else it’s hard to believe in love in this cruel city in this nightmare time that everybody else pretends is just fine but remember no mater what kind of nasty shit you pull jesus loves you in fact you can’t make jesus not love you

but when you been kicked around since you were born love is like an insult ‘oh we love you so much we want to hurt you some more’ but not with jesus when you suffering real bad just reach a hand out of your heart and he’ll help you make it jesus has already helped you make it you just didn’t know it

and the gospel tell you the gospel just the highlights of a low-life jesus believed in the devil too the devil that runs around in him and her and me and you and all over everyplace else seems like jesus knew the devil personally but jesus didn’t go on and on about some therapy-self-help-social worker-shrink-headed-victim-disease-shit jesus knew we couldn’t be this crazy this miserable this goddamned mean and vicious without a lot of help from the devil so jesus spooked the devil right out of people jesus knows we’re weak and easily possessed by all the crap in this world jesus knows all this stuff

so the devil came to see jesus one on one when jesus was strung-out from not eating and hanging out in the desert near karnloops and the devil said to jesus ‘if you such a bigshot turn this stone into a whopper with cheese and feed your raggedy self’ and jesus said ‘forget you I’d rather be hungry than do what you tell me to do’ did you ever do that? Refuse and have people say “you don’t know what’s good for you?’

then the devil said to jesus ‘look here I show you all the beer cars clothes dope power sex in the whole world I’ll give you all that just say you’re mine’ but jesus could not be bought and the devil kept working on him the devil said ‘okay you so stupid jump off this building and see if your big daddy save you like you always talking about jesus just laughed he knew better

I haven’t always known better though those deals the devil offered jesus sound pretty good to me but I have been mostly messed up in my life so I ain’t the best expert on my own life I do need help so all you nuts junkies freaks jesus is always by your side like a kind of no bullshit truth-talking guide always with you but not so close by he’ll get on your nerves

I mean a lot of times you think he’s not there at all cause he ain’t doing what you think he ought to be doing for you but he’s there knowing what you need better than you do knowing you better than you do just like the devil do

but that’s good because everything I know how to do and everything you know how to do has got us both right here probably broke maybe on dope no real hope listening to a lunatic like me because neither of us has figured out anything better to do with the mountain-moving love jesus has made us all to be

Pocket Gods (a story i wrote, and told, christmas eve 2009 for the people of westwinds)

Imagine a world where people carry around gods in their pockets, using them like charms to get what they want, be who they wish, and live however they like.

That’s our world, tonight.

Matthetes smiled as he jingled his new gods, jumbling them in his pockets like a potpourri of coins and marbles.

His Dad had given him his first god when he was thirteen – just a man. His first god was Ambition. Ambition had served him well, making him first in his class and head of school, landing him great job opportunities and a bright future.

But Ambition didn’t keep you warm at night, so Matthetes had run out and – with the help of a slender woman named Porneia – purchased Flesh. Flesh was a much better god than Ambition – more fun, more easily sated in the short term – but more difficult to manage. Flesh and Ambition didn’t always get along well, so Matthetes kept them – at first – in separate pockets.

Now, however, he felt like he should keep all his gods together – so Flesh and Ambition wrestled in his pants pocket with Media (to keep him informed), Fitness (to keep him healthy), and Downline (a demi-god that was supposed to temper Ambition with Relationship).

Matthetes had a full compliment of divinity with him at all times, and it paid off.

He was successful, contentented, fit, young, and eager.

He had it all.

At least he thought he did, until he met Rab. Rab was perched on a park bench drinking tea when Matthetes stumbled into him blindly.

Apologizing, Matthetes took the opportunity to introduce himself to his accidental companion.

Pardon me.

No problem at all, friend.

Really? I’m terribly sorry…name’s Matthetes.

Rab – the pleasure is all mine.

I was just coming back from the office, en route to the health food store before a stop at the gym, a nip at the bar, a short session at the studio, and then home for bed with Cindi…sorry, Kandi.

I was just thinking.

Pardon?

Thinking. I was appreciating this life and how grateful I am to be living it.

Matthetes had never heard anyone put it quite like that.

Me too. Would you like to join me?

At the store, the gym, the bar, the studio or with the confusing woman at your house?

Why…I guess any of it.

No thank you.

Suddenly curious: do you mind if I ask why not?

I have no need.

But won’t your gods be angry?

Ha! No. My God is not angered by a lack of busyness.

It’s more than just busyness, you know.

I know many things, but in that regard I confess an ignorance. I have traded my knowledge of Ambition for something sweeter. I have given up my understanding of the Fast Lane for the Narrow Way.

What are you talking about?

I am talking about God.

I know all about the gods…

No – you keep trinkets in your pants and call them divine. They are not. Just as you are not. Long ago I gave up my pocket gods and had God Himself put inside me. I’ve never since been the same.

That sounds….strange. Was it worth it?

Oh yes – it has been the most wonderful thing.

Then I shall have it done, too.

Oh no – my friend – I would not let you do that so recklessly. The process is called an Invitation – some combination of surgery (for it is invasive), and ritual (for it is mystical), and alchemy (for it is transformational) – is awful and painful and I shake to think of it still.

But you said it was worth it.

And it so was. It is. It ever more shall be. But I would not advise you to have God put inside you on a whim. He is too big for that.

Big?

And jealous. And greedy. And he grows.

With that, and a smile, Rab excused himself and walked off singing.

Matthetes reached into his pocket to play with his gods, eager to comfort himself after this strange exchange…but his gods were gone.

He had been robbed.

Scoundrel. He thought. Rab has robbed me, distracted me with cleverness and stolen my gods from the pockets of my pants, all the while binding my mind with his spell.

Rotter.

Matthetes skipped the health food store and the gym, but made up for it with two extra drinks with Cindi and Kandi. He woke up feeling stone-headed.

He went and got himself new gods on the way to work.
Truthfully, he had gotten tired of Flesh and Ambition was killing him,
so he grabbed Media and Downline
and Diet (Fitness was too expensive, but Diets were on sale)
and added Economy (because it was so focused)
and Novelty (because Flesh was too focused)
and spent the week trying them out.

He gave himself fully to the gods in his pocket but worried that something was wrong.

They didn’t work anymore.

He had minor success with his Downline, but couldn’t ever get his Diet to work. His Economy was always hampered by his love of Novelty – which seemed to deteriorate into Flesh anyhow.

He begged Media for an explanation, but he got an explanation for everything so he couldn’t remember the thing he had asked about.

Matthetes became disillusioned with his gods, then, and threw them all away. All his life he’d wanted, then got, then lost, then got, then been disappointed by, his gods.

And now they were gone.

And he felt no differently.

So he went to get the new God put into his heart.

It wasn’t as bad as Rab had made it out to be.
The surgery was invasive, but didn’t hurt as much as he’d anticipated.
The ritual was spooky, but it was the good-spooky
(more mystical, less haunting).
The alchemy was almost non-existent, though everyone attending assured Matthetes that a transformation had – in fact – taken place.

All in all, Matthetes was quite happy with his new God.

And he noticed a positive difference in his life right away. He felt more generous – giving away some of the money he’d squeezed and hoarded cheerfully – and he felt more loving – giving up girls who’s names sounded like Disney characters for a new gal he’d met, named Suzanne (she was a grad student, and an artist) – and he felt more…well, happy.

He was just plain happier.

This bliss lasted for a time, a season, who knows really how long it was…but then abruptly went away.

It was the oddest thing. Matthetes could feel God in his heart. He knew the God-in-his-heart was still there. Just as he had felt the God-in-his-heart alive and growing inside of him while being generous and loving and happy, so now he felt the God-in-his-heart even more alive and growing even larger inside of him.

But his life was going very poorly.

His job seemed meaningless and his friendships felt shallow and unfulfilling.

But still the God-in-his-heart continued to grow.

Suzanne was fantastic, but every time Matthetes was around her he felt sad and conflicted.

And the God-in-his-heart grew inside of him.

It felt like the God-in-his-heart wanted Matthetes to be living a completely different life – like nothing less would make the God-in-his-heart happy – and so Matthetes, instead of invoking the God in his heart like he’d conjured the pocket gods – felt like all he could do to satisfy God was completely change everything about him.

Because the God-in-his-heart was getting bigger inside of him.

So he quit his job, realizing that Ambition had given it to him and that the job itself was only a reminder of how empty he’d felt while petting the Ambition in his pocket.

And he distanced himself from his friends, because he knew that his Downline was still meddling in the purity of his relationships and he didn’t want his friends to be exploited anymore.

And he finally, sadly, even broke things off with Suzanne because she felt like Novelty but didn’t deserve it, and he treated her like Flesh even though she was more to him than that.

Matthetes, he tried to explain to them all, had to do this. It wasn’t even really him, but the God in his heart that had compelled him to act.

And, of course, all of this was so confusing because the pocket gods – the ones everyone had and everyone understood – always did what you wanted whereas the God in Matthetes heart had control of him and could never be used or employed to simply do what Matthetes wanted.

Everything was backwards now.

And the God-in-his-heart grew bigger still.

The God-in-his-heart grew – and Matthetes sold everything he owned and gave it to the poor.

The God-in-his-heart grew – and Matthetes went back to every person he’d ever wronged, or deceived, or cheated and made amends.

The God-in-his-heart grew – and Matthetes went on a journey, a pilgrimage, into the wilderness to (re)discover who he was and why he was alive.

It was miserable.

It was profoundly difficult.

Matthetes had lost it all.

He had nothing.

And the God-in-his-heart continued to grow inside of him.

As he was completely emptied out of all his Ambition,
his love for Flesh,
his addiction to Media,
his fantasy of Fitness and Diet and Novelty;
as his need for the pocket gods vanished Matthetes was left with only one certainty in all the world.

The God in his heart would always continue to grow.

And from that central truth he took strength.

The God-in-his-heart grew – and so would he.

That was the turning point – working together with the God-in-his-heart, cooperating with the God-in-his-heart,
Matthetes began to learn about achievement without pride,
love without lust,
pleasure without novelty,
health without anxiety,
economy without greed,
friendship without agenda…

His whole life was different.

He returned from his journey a new man.

The first person he went to see was Suzanne.

Suzanne – I was just thinking about this life, and appreciating it. I have traded my knowledge of Ambition for something sweeter. I have given up my understanding of the Fast Lane for the Narrow Way.

Would you like to join me?

It won’t be easy to have God inside you, but I can tell you it will be worth it.

12 days of christmas: day twelve (gifts from santa claus and his elves)

12 days of christmas: day ten (gifts from uncle jeff and auntie amber)

1,000 True Fans

(found this great article from kevin kelly, via michael hyatt on twitter...loved this)


(also, see seth godin apply this theory to business here)


The long tail is famously good news for two classes of people; a few lucky aggregators, such as Amazon and Netflix, and 6 billion consumers. Of those two, I think consumers earn the greater reward from the wealth hidden in infinite niches.

But the long tail is a decidedly mixed blessing for creators. Individual artists, producers, inventors and makers are overlooked in the equation. The long tail does not raise the sales of creators much, but it does add massive competition and endless downward pressure on prices. Unless artists become a large aggregator of other artist's works, the long tail offers no path out of the quiet doldrums of minuscule sales.

Other than aim for a blockbuster hit, what can an artist do to escape the long tail?

One solution is to find 1,000 True Fans. While some artists have discovered this path without calling it that, I think it is worth trying to formalize. The gist of 1,000 True Fans can be stated simply:

A creator, such as an artist, musician, photographer, craftsperson, performer, animator, designer, videomaker, or author - in other words, anyone producing works of art - needs to acquire only 1,000 True Fans to make a living.

A True Fan is defined as someone who will purchase anything and everything you produce. They will drive 200 miles to see you sing. They will buy the super deluxe re-issued hi-res box set of your stuff even though they have the low-res version. They have a Google Alert set for your name. They bookmark the eBay page where your out-of-print editions show up. They come to your openings. They have you sign their copies. They buy the t-shirt, and the mug, and the hat. They can't wait till you issue your next work. They are true fans.


To raise your sales out of the flatline of the long tail you need to connect with your True Fans directly. Another way to state this is, you need to convert a thousand Lesser Fans into a thousand True Fans.

Assume conservatively that your True Fans will each spend one day's wages per year in support of what you do. That "one-day-wage" is an average, because of course your truest fans will spend a lot more than that. Let's peg that per diem each True Fan spends at $100 per year. If you have 1,000 fans that sums up to $100,000 per year, which minus some modest expenses, is a living for most folks.

One thousand is a feasible number. You could count to 1,000. If you added one fan a day, it would take only three years. True Fanship is doable. Pleasing a True Fan is pleasurable, and invigorating. It rewards the artist to remain true, to focus on the unique aspects of their work, the qualities that True Fans appreciate.

The key challenge is that you have to maintain direct contact with your 1,000 True Fans. They are giving you their support directly. Maybe they come to your house concerts, or they are buying your DVDs from your website, or they order your prints from Pictopia. As much as possible you retain the full amount of their support. You also benefit from the direct feedback and love.

The technologies of connection and small-time manufacturing make this circle possible. Blogs and RSS feeds trickle out news, and upcoming appearances or new works. Web sites host galleries of your past work, archives of biographical information, and catalogs of paraphernalia. Diskmakers, Blurb, rapid prototyping shops, Myspace, Facebook, and the entire digital domain all conspire to make duplication and dissemination in small quantities fast, cheap and easy. You don't need a million fans to justify producing something new. A mere one thousand is sufficient.

This small circle of diehard fans, which can provide you with a living, is surrounded by concentric circles of Lesser Fans. These folks will not purchase everything you do, and may not seek out direct contact, but they will buy much of what you produce. The processes you develop to feed your True Fans will also nurture Lesser Fans. As you acquire new True Fans, you can also add many more Lesser Fans. If you keep going, you may indeed end up with millions of fans and reach a hit. I don't know of any creator who is not interested in having a million fans.

But the point of this strategy is to say that you don't need a hit to survive. You don't need to aim for the short head of best-sellerdom to escape the long tail. There is a place in the middle, that is not very far away from the tail, where you can at least make a living. That mid-way haven is called 1,000 True Fans. It is an alternate destination for an artist to aim for.

Young artists starting out in this digitally mediated world have another path other than stardom, a path made possible by the very technology that creates the long tail. Instead of trying to reach the narrow and unlikely peaks of platinum hits, bestseller blockbusters, and celebrity status, they can aim for direct connection with 1,000 True Fans. It's a much saner destination to hope for. You make a living instead of a fortune. You are surrounded not by fad and fashionable infatuation, but by True Fans. And you are much more likely to actually arrive there.

A few caveats. This formula - one thousand direct True Fans -- is crafted for one person, the solo artist. What happens in a duet, or quartet, or movie crew? Obviously, you'll need more fans. But the additional fans you'll need are in direct geometric proportion to the increase of your creative group. In other words, if you increase your group size by 33%, you need add only 33% more fans. This linear growth is in contrast to the exponential growth by which many things in the digital domain inflate. I would not be surprise to find that the value of your True Fans network follows the standard network effects rule, and increases as the square of the number of Fans. As your True Fans connect with each other, they will more readily increase their average spending on your works. So while increasing the numbers of artists involved in creation increases the number of True Fans needed, the increase does not explode, but rises gently and in proportion.

A more important caution: Not every artist is cut out, or willing, to be a nurturer of fans. Many musicians just want to play music, or photographers just want to shoot, or painters paint, and they temperamentally don't want to deal with fans, especially True Fans. For these creatives, they need a mediator, a manager, a handler, an agent, a galleryist -- someone to manage their fans. Nonetheless, they can still aim for the same middle destination of 1,000 True Fans. They are just working in a duet.

Third distinction. Direct fans are best. The number of True Fans needed to make a living indirectly inflates fast, but not infinitely. Take blogging as an example. Because fan support for a blogger routes through advertising clicks (except in the occasional tip-jar), more fans are needed for a blogger to make a living. But while this moves the destination towards the left on the long tail curve, it is still far short of blockbuster territory. Same is true in book publishing. When you have corporations involved in taking the majority of the revenue for your work, then it takes many times more True Fans to support you. To the degree an author cultivates direct contact with his/her fans, the smaller the number needed.

Lastly, the actual number may vary depending on the media. Maybe it is 500 True Fans for a painter and 5,000 True Fans for a videomaker. The numbers must surely vary around the world. But in fact the actual number is not critical, because it cannot be determined except by attempting it. Once you are in that mode, the actual number will become evident. That will be the True Fan number that works for you. My formula may be off by an order of magnitude, but even so, its far less than a million.

I've been scouring the literature for any references to the True Fan number. Suck.com co-founder Carl Steadman had theory about microcelebrities. By his count, a microcelebrity was someone famous to 1,500 people. So those fifteen hundred would rave about you. As quoted by Danny O'Brien, "One person in every town in Britain likes your dumb online comic. That's enough to keep you in beers (or T-shirt sales) all year."

Others call this microcelebrity support micro-patronage, or distributed patronage.

In 1999 John Kelsey and Bruce Schneier published a model for this in First Monday, an online journal. They called it the Street Performer Protocol.

Using the logic of a street performer, the author goes directly to the readers before the book is published; perhaps even before the book is written. The author bypasses the publisher and makes a public statement on the order of: "When I get $100,000 in donations, I will release the next novel in this series."

Readers can go to the author's Web site, see how much money has already been donated, and donate money to the cause of getting his novel out. Note that the author doesn't care who pays to get the next chapter out; nor does he care how many people read the book that didn't pay for it. He just cares that his $100,000 pot gets filled. When it does, he publishes the next book. In this case "publish" simply means "make available," not "bind and distribute through bookstores." The book is made available, free of charge, to everyone: those who paid for it and those who did not.

In 2004 author Lawrence Watt-Evans used this model to publish his newest novel. He asked his True Fans to collectively pay $100 per month. When he got $100 he posted the next chapter of the novel. The entire book was published online for his True Fans, and then later in paper for all his fans. He is now writing a second novel this way. He gets by on an estimated 200 True Fans because he also publishes in the traditional manner -- with advances from a publisher supported by thousands of Lesser Fans. Other authors who use fans to directly support their work are Diane Duane, Sharon Lee and Steve Miller, and Don Sakers. Game designer Greg Stolze employed a similar True Fan model to launch two pre-financed games. Fifty of his True Fans contributed seed money for his development costs.

The genius of the True Fan model is that the fans are able to move an artist away from the edges of the long tail to a degree larger than their numbers indicate. They can do this in three ways: by purchasing more per person, by spending directly so the creator keeps more per sale, and by enabling new models of support.

New models of support include micro-patronage. Another model is pre-financing the startup costs. Digital technology enables this fan support to take many shapes. Fundable is a web-based enterprise which allows anyone to raise a fixed amount of money for a project, while reassuring the backers the project will happen. Fundable withholds the money until the full amount is collected. They return the money if the minimum is not reached.

Fundable

Here's an example from Fundable's site;

Amelia, a twenty-year-old classical soprano singer, pre-sold her first CD before entering a recording studio. "If I get $400 in pre-orders, I will be able to afford the rest [of the studio costs]," she told potential contributors. Fundable's all-or-nothing model ensured that none of her customers would lose money if she fell short of her goal. Amelia sold over $940 in albums.

A thousand dollars won't keep even a starving artist alive long, but with serious attention, a dedicated artist can do better with their True Fans. Jill Sobule, a musician who has nurtured a sizable following over many years of touring and recording, is doing well relying on her True Fans. Recently she decided to go to her fans to finance the $75,000 professional recording fees she needed for her next album. She has raised close to $50,000 so far. By directly supporting her via their patronage, the fans gain intimacy with their artist. According to the Associated Press:

Contributors can choose a level of pledges ranging from the $10 "unpolished rock," which earns them a free digital download of her disc when it's made, to the $10,000 "weapons-grade plutonium level," where she promises "you get to come and sing on my CD. Don't worry if you can't sing - we can fix that on our end." For a $5,000 contribution, Sobule said she'll perform a concert in the donor's house. The lower levels are more popular, where donors can earn things like an advanced copy of the CD, a mention in the liner notes and a T-shirt identifying them as a "junior executive producer" of the CD.

The usual alternative to making a living based on True Fans is poverty. A study as recently as 1995 showed that the accepted price of being an artist was large. Sociologist Ruth Towse surveyed artists in Britian and determined that on average they earned below poverty subsistence levels.

I am suggesting there is a home for creatives in between poverty and stardom. Somewhere lower than stratospheric bestsellerdom, but higher than the obscurity of the long tail. I don't know the actual true number, but I think a dedicated artist could cultivate 1,000 True Fans, and by their direct support using new technology, make an honest living. I'd love to hear from anyone who might have settled on such a path.

12 days of christmas: day nine (gifts from mom and dad to teach the kids about money)

12 days of christmas: day eight (gifts from grandpa and grandma pat)

12 days of christmas: day seven (gifts from papa and grandma glenda)

12 days of christmas: day six (gifts from each other)

12 days of christmas: day five (gifts from Mema)

12 days of christmas: day four (gifts from Grandpa and Grandma Pat))

12 days of christmas: day three (gifts from Uncle Dwayne and Auntie Staci))

12 days of christmas: day two (gifts from Shafers)

new series artwork

12 days of christmas: day one (gifts from flash)

cancer...thankfully, Carmel doesn't have it

it's been a pretty bumpy fall for us michigan mcdonalds...i'll say no more about all of that in general, but i will mention the most recent bump: carmel's cancer scare.

i'll also skip over the months of uncertainty, moments of fear, weeks of anxiety, and evenings of paranoia and jump straight to a scary-yet-perfectly-executed surgery followed by early-and-superlative news.

no cancer.

C-mac was very brave, very godly, and we're all very relieved that our christmas tree won't need to be decorated with pink ribbons this year.

more than ever, though, our hearts go out to those who will.


thanks be to god for his protection and security during all of this...it feels good to be on team jesus.

christmas wish list

just in case you're dying to spend under $10 here are the single awesomest gift ideas for yours truly...

fiendish japanese pocket puzzle

origami sticky notes

magic IQ gift box

inanimate character stickers

acrobots

build your own easter island kit

build your own stonehenge kit

stikfas

Temperature Task Clips

Pep Talks & Picker-Uppers for All Occasions

Clichés & Platitudes for All Occasions

Avenging Unicorn Play Set

Wooden Trebuchet

reluctant bride cake topper

tub of flying nuns

cryptozoological play set





...yup, that about answers the age old question: what do you get for the weirdo you pay to study the bible :)