Monsters in my life
Religon has always been in my life. Strict lutheran family and church raised me. Yet, I never felt God loved me.
I found out that the relationship with God was not good at age 38. It was then that I started to learn that He loved me, forgave me, and wasnt punishing me for being a bad person. This new realization gave me new life, hope, a purpose and a future full of Christ.
My childhood memories are empty besides the severe punishments my siblings and I endured. At twelve I started to physically abuse myself; twelve, parents divorced, then Bulimia set in. At sixteen started looking for love and found it in my daughter. Disowned and alone I raised my daughters. Graduated from high school, college and a masters degree and began teaching, all the while still searching for a love my daughters could not give me. I found it, lost it, and with heartache found my true love; alcohol.
My daughter was raped by two men at age 15 together we tried to keep her alive visiting U of M mental ward four differnt times before she fell into drugs. Alcohol helped me through my hardest times in life. We were together for 12 years before my bottom hit, jobless, homeless, and alone depression had visited me my whole life but know it had taken over. I had found no reason to live, suicidal thoughts consumed me.
My last drink, I awoke in jail, shackled, naked and full of humility and shame. Arrested for my second DUI, felony assult on an officer that would lead me to have to fight for my teaching certificate. I hated myself.
God had provided me with the strength, courage and love, to withstand the pain and humiliation of recovery. His mercy, grace and love saved me. Six years later, I am a better parent and teacher, married, and full of peace. By working through the twelveth steps of AA, I found the real meaning of my life to help others that were in need, as God had provided people in my life and to share my story (testimony). I have been blessed to have the opportunity to do missionary work in Jamica, Brazil, New Orleans with Katerina, inner city Chicago, and local prisons and youth detention centers.
I know now that I can endure anything because I have my best friend with me all the time. The monsters in my life have been defeated by Christ himself.
If you ever need me to share my story to help others know they are not alone, please let me now. I cannot promise no tears.
I have been attending your church since the beginning of this summer, and I love the messages you give.
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