i miss myself at 20
just the physical bits really, not the smart(er)-ass bits.
i miss not having to worry about hair - either losing it up top or greenhousing it somewhere else
i miss not having to worry about what i eat
i miss not having to think about how much exercise i'm getting
i miss not having to wonder if my human heart really is capable of popping because of things like french fries
i miss not having to wonder if too much coffee can cause stones, or too many sour patch kids can cause cavities, or if pipe smoke is more or less harmful than breathing in the fumes from a 747.
i miss being able to eat dougnuts at 2am, wake up at 6am to lift weights and run, before drinking coffee to 20 hours straight so i can see carmel
now i eat a dougnut at 2am on January 4th and still regret it monday, august 30th ay 7pm because i think it'll probably be the one that gives me cancer...or is it glaucoma...or is it a big bum...or is it all 3, i can never keep it straight.
ronald rolheiser speaks intelligently about mourning the death of our youth and sexual attractiveness. tomorrow i'm going to hinkleys to grieve myself with a jelly roll.