lots and lots and lots of church

i've been through a gauntlet of sorts this week...and it's been good. there's been so much input, though, i'm having some difficulty ensuring that i give God space to speak to me directly.

i feel like there's some change, or a surge of growth/preparation, that i am just now beginning to experience. i feel like god wants to do something new in my heart and i want to be open to that.

all my life i've felt like things could (and should) be different with church, and with the experience of believers and the spirit...i've always felt it should be different with me, too. the nature of that difference has sometimes eluded me - though, as i'm sure you can imagine, i have pages and pages and pages of notes and thoughts and curiosities about it in the back of all my bibles and every notebook i've even blinked at.

but really, any "differences" are only rhetorical so long as there are parts of my heart that are un-yielded to the spirit. and the more i give myself to him, the more i realize how much more there is to give.

so very much more.

so, yeah, i'm in a spiritual and intellectual wormhole right now but am also deeply confident god will bring me through this one like he has all the others. truer. sweeter. more full of grace and love.